Survivor: NBADraft.net (A Fictional Story)
By far. If you could only work on this, and keep it on the Off-Topic forum, than I might actually start to value you as a poster. Have to say, I would not have voted for BOL23 first. More likely to be Quincey or DNYCE. The odds of me standing those people in person if they are anything like they are on the internet seems incredibly slim.
First of all, I can swim. Second, I am a 6'1 fifteen year old with a beard and sideburns. People think I'm 20, so I don't know where you got that from. And third, I have suction cups as hands, I don't drop nothing.
And I knew that that was Kobyz top 5 rebounding list.
But I do have a case of alergies, and sneeze often, so good call there, great thread though.
I am not offended, in fact I'm honored that I was mentioned so many times, and it was a great read, and I know it was all in good fun. I was just trying to help gramps be a little more accurate at assesing my real life attributes and tendencies.
Thanks yupyup!
That 22 week course at the McDunkin Management Agency really contributes to my recent success on here. While you are here yupyup (and since you're one of the wrestling fans on here) tell me how sick these flying moves are! I never seen anything like that
and
The Asians have taken our wrestling too!
I've written it all out, I just need to type it all.
Aamir is right, finals week is cramping my style. (By the way, Aamir, the whole "Gandhi" thing is way overdone. And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER! Oh, and if you're gonaa criticize McDunkin, could you at least find something other than his lack of Derrick Favors jokes to rib him about? Thanks.)
I've written it all out, I just need to type it all.
Aamir is right, finals week is cramping my style. (By the way, Aamir, the whole "Gandhi" thing is way overdone. And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER! Oh, and if you're gonaa criticize McDunkin, could you at least find something other than his lack of Derrick Favors jokes to rib him about? Thanks.)
"And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER!"
What do you mean "pick one or the other". Why can't I choose to be protrayed as an Indian Muslim? And your telling me the Whole Gandhi thing is over done, what about the whole Tebwo thing? Did Tebow free your people and have a big hand in the reason you are where you are? I didn't think so.
A motorboat speeds across the Pacific towards a nameless tropical island. 20 men (I’m assuming) anxiously await the start of their quest for a million dollars and the distinguished title of NBADraft.net sole survivor. The contestants come from all different places, ranging from New York to Indianapolis to tli’s basement. Tension runs high as the contestants get their first impressions of each other.
Leroy Jenkins (Occupation: Middle School Student): “I don’t know about that man over there. (Camera pans to Rudeboy) He just rubs me the wrong way,”
yupyup (Occupation: Anime cartoonist): “That guy with the crazed look to him (Camera pans to DNYCE) gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
JoeWolf1 (Occupation: Bartender): “I think we’re all thinking the same thing about that Indian kid. (Camera pans to Aamir) How the **** is he old enough to be on this show?”
Adi Joseph parks the boat on the shore when they reach their destination. The contestants are greeted by a tall, red-haired man in a polo shirt. “I’m Aran Smith, you’re host.”
Aran points to a bucket of 20 black and white balls and explains that the contestants will draw balls to decide which tribe they will join. Adam Silver jumps out of the bushes and proceeds to give each contestant their ball.
The following players drew a white ball and are the John Bryant Tribe:
John Bryant Tribe
*ButIDon’tHaveTheMoney
*MikeyVTheDon
JoeWolf1
*IndianaBasketball
OrangeJuiceJones
Yupyup
*BothTeamsPlayedHard
DNYCE
*Aamir543
Based-Out-Like-23
The following players drew a black ball and make up the Lil B Tribe:
Lil B Tribe
*McBased
*J-Nixon-Iggy9
Rudeboy
*Wizkid
*Llperez
MagicKnick
LeroyJenkins
*Quincey
M-DYMES
I May Be Based
Aran tells the contestants that they will immediately begin a reward challenge to decide who gets the all-important Flynt. The two teams must simply run down the beach relay-style, untie the the puzzle pieces, bring them back to the beach, and have five players solve the puzzle, which is “Guess what this Kobyz list is referring to”.
The Challenge begins.
M-Dymes outruns Based-Out-Like-23 to the first puzzle piece, unties the knot, and brings it back first, giving the Lil B Tribe a slight advantage. Rudeboy enlarges the lead as he gets there and back quicker than OrangeJuiceJones. JoeWolf1’s strong performance compared to that of I May Be Based draws the two teams back even. Yupyup gives the John Bryant tribe the lead as Leroy Jenkins puffs up and down the beach. Then, with an incredible burst of speed, DNYCE gives the John Bryant Tribe a huge lead as MagicKnick brings back the last puzzle piece for the Lil B Tribe.
The John Bryant Tribe begins work on the puzzle.
Aamir543: “David Lee, Chuck Hayes, Jason Kidd, Dwight Howard, and Kevin Love. What could it mean?”
NoMoney: “You’re the Indian, Aamir. You should know. That’s why we picked you for the puzzle in the first place!”
IndianaBasketball: “These are all big men except for Jason Kidd. What does he do like a post player?”
MikeyV: “It’s Kobyz. This could mean anything!”
The Lil B Tribe deliberates.
Quincey: “Chuck Hayes?! I hate Chuck Hayes! His plus-minus was well into the negatives last year.”
Llperez: “Quincey, that’s irrelevant! Work on the puzzle!”
WizKid: “I know! They’re all white!”
Llperez: “Chuck Hayes is most definitely not white. And neither is Jason Kidd.”
McBased: “That reminds me of a GIF…”
John Bryant Tribe
IndianaBasketball: “I know! These guys are all rebounders! Maybe this is Kobyz’s list of the top 5 NBA rebounders.”
Aran Smith: “John Bryant Tribe wins!”
The tribes sit back down, the spitting images of the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. “John Bryant Tribe, here’s your flint,” says Aran, as he tosses the flint to the tribe. Aamir eagerly jumps out and stone-hands the catch, then hurriedly picks up the flint and walks back to his tribe. “Lil B tribe, I’ve got nothing for you.” The tribes head to their respective camps.
Lil B Tribe
JNixon-Iggy rallies the tribe around him and gives a motivational speech, etc, etc. and the tribe begins work on their camp. Despite their lack of cohesiveness in the challenge, the tribe puts together a shelter in 2 hours, with few minor incidents. Leroy Jenkins “accidentally” trips Rudeboy very near to the fire M-DYMES made with the flint, but everyone slept safe and sound that night, aside from Quincey’s “sleep-spooning” of I May Be Based.
Meanwhile, at the camp of the John Bryant tribe, things were not going as smoothly following their early victory.
“You guys aren’t doing it right,” Based-Out-Like-23 was often heard complaining. Unfortunately, MikeyVTheDon and BothTeamsPlayedHard didn’t always agree, and so their long dissertations on assembly of lean-tos were heard long into the night. While trying to chop down a coconut tree with a machete, over-Hollywood-ized Aamir chopped over one support of the lean-to and it came crumbling down. Things were not going well.
But none of this compared to the antics of one John Bryant Tribe member…
“EDOMITE CLOWN!” DNYCE shouted at 5 different teammates over the course of the evening. His easily-offended nature was not something one wants when playing Survivor. But MikeyV had a theory.
MikeyVTheDon (Occupation: Professor of literature): “I think DNYCE is just putting up a façade, trying to make us think he is no threat to win the game so we don’t vote him out,” MikeyV hypothesized. Either way, DNYCE was already putting a target on his back as the team settled down into their finally-constructed shelter in the early morning…
THE NEXT MORNING: Lil B Camp
As jack-of-all-trades llperez cooked fish and rice omelets for all, McBased pulled aside Rudeboy, Wizkid, and I May Be Based and proposed an early game-changer: a 4-way alliance. The foursome agreed to the alliance (and proceeded to call themselves “The Revengers) just as Leroy Jenkins walked up. “Do you jerks want pepper on yo omelets?”
McDunkin (Occupation: Clerk at Bert’s Adult Videos): “I feel really good about my place in this game. I feel like The Revengers can go all the way, baby. We’re like the Heat. I’m Lebron, WizKid is Bosh, Rudeboy is Wade, and I May Be Based can be, uh, Juwan Howard!”
John Bryant Camp
It was yupyup who made breakfast at this camp, and, thanks to the dead pig that Aamir inexplicably walked out of the woods with that morning, holding a crude spear in his other hand, everyone got a sumptuous breakfast. On to the immunity challenge
Immunity Challenge
Aran Smith explained that, in today’s challenge, 4 contestants from each tribe would be strapped to a giant wooden wheel (a converted sex device borrowed from Cyclo) and, as the bottom of the wheel spun through the water, the contestants would take in a mouthful of water and spit it into the bucket at the top. The other 6 tribe members would spin the wheel. The first tribe to fill their bucket would win immunity.
The JB Tribe strapped OJJ, yupyup, NoMoney, and an eager Aamir to the wheel. The Lil B Tribe put Leroy Jenkins, M-Dymes, Wizkid, and jNixon-Iggy on their wheel. The competition was fierce. At one point, The JB Tribe stopped spinning their wheel so the spinners could rest, but they didn’t realize that Aamir was underwater and he nearly drowned. Fortunately, Cameraman Marcusfizer21 pointed out this fact, and a soiled-pants Aamir was rescued. Both buckets inched near the full line until finally-
“Lil B tribe wins immunity! John Bryant tribe will head to tribal council tonight.”
NoMoney (Occupation: Stay-at-home Dad): “Based-Out-Like-23 was not pulling his way today. He could be goin home.”
Back at the JB Camp
NoMoney assembles IndianaBasketball and MikeyVtheDon. “Hey, you guys, based off the first two challenges and what I’ve seen around camp, I think that the three of us are the strongest players on this tribe. How bout we form our own alliance and we can run this game?” Just before the other two can answer, however, Aamir walks up, much to the other three’s chagrin. “Hey, guys! What’s the plan?” So NoMoney is forced to include Aamir in the alliance. The four decide that, despite DNYCE’s overall offensiveness, they must vote off Based-Out-Like-23 to keep the tribe strong. Now they just need two more votes. They try to talk to DNYCE, but he refuses to believe he is on the chopping block and says he will write down whomever’s name he wants. Next, they target OJJ and JoeWolf1, but the whole rest of the tribe seems fairly set on voting out DNYCE. It looks like either DNYCE or Based-Out-Like-23 is going home first. Meanwhile, ButIDon’tHaveTheMoney sneaks around from tree to tree, unbeknownst to his tribemates, as if he is looking for something…
Tribal Council
After Aran’s second question of tribal council, DNYCE goes on a rant, despite having not been even acknowledged the entire council. MikeyV accuses BTPH of speaking too much. BTPH gives a long speech about how Mikeyv speaks more than him. NoMoney says something funny for the fans at home. Multiple people get mad at Based-Out. Aran Smith comments that this is a highly disorganized tribe. The voting begins.
As is Survivor tradition, a couple of the more obvious votes are shown:
Based-Out-Like-23 (Votes for DNYCE): You are obnoxious and I hope I never see you again
NoMoney (Votes for Based-Out): You’re a nice enough kid, but the tribe is stronger without you.
Aran Smith goes and gets the votes. “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol, play it now.” Aamir sneezes. Yupyup daydreams about Bismack Biyombo. And BTPH sits off to the side with a gleam in his eye. Aran begins reading the votes…
“DNYCE. One vote DNYCE.”
“jjeff6. Uh, I won’t count that
“DNYCE. Two votes DNYCE.”
“DNYCE. Three votes DNYCE.”
“DNYCE. Four votes DNYCE.”
“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, one vote Based-Out-Like-23.”
The smile is wiped off of Based-Out’s face.
“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, two votes Based-Out-Like-23.”
“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, two votes Based-Out-Like-23.”
“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, three votes Based-Out-Like-23.”
“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, four votes Based-Out-Like-23.”
“First person voted off of Survivor: NBADraft.net: Based-Out-Like-23.”
Based-Out looks stunned. DNYCE looks like he does not know what is going on, looking off into space with a scowl. Based-Out-Like-23 walks off the set as NoMoney looks around at his mates in triumph.
Credits roll as the votes are shown:
Based-Out-Like-23: NoMoney, IndianaBasketball, MikeyVTheDon, Aamir543, OJJ
DNYCE: Based-Out-Like-23, yupyup, JoeWolf1, BothTeamsPlayedhard
Jjeff6: DNYCE
Tune in next week.